Healing From Early Loss and Abandonment Issues

Healing from early loss and abandonment issues

Jeanne S Lankin, LCSW

At just four years old, “David” watched his mother leave their home for extended periods of time. Because of this he was confused, sad and felt abandoned. Sadly, she was getting treatment for blood cancer but no one explained to David what was happening and his young mind was left to fill in the gaps. At age eight, he sat in her hospital room with his family, watching her take her last breath. His world shattered.

Without reassurance or guidance, David internalized painful beliefs:

• “People I love will always leave me.”

• “I must not be worthy of love if they don’t stay.”

• “I have to protect myself from being hurt again.”

For decades, these subconscious fears ruled his relationships. Despite his deep desire for love, he struggled with attachment issues and endured failed marriages. He pushed partners away before they could leave him, sabotaging connections before they had a chance to grow. David continued this pattern with the next generation as he had fractured relationships with his children from his multiple marriages.

I first met David in his mid-60’s and he described his life as lonely, sad and filled with regrets. David believed he was destined to be alone, abandoned by his ex-wives and children—until he discovered Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) in our sessions.

Breaking the Cycle with EMDR

EMDR is a powerful therapy that helps individuals reprocess traumatic memories so they no longer hold emotional power. For David, it became the key to understanding and finally healing his past.

As his therapist, I guided him through reprocessing the moment of his mother’s death using bilateral stimulation. This enabled him to revisit this deeply painful memory and have compassion for his father, other family members and himself through a new, compassionate lens.

Through EMDR, David:

• Realized his mother hadn’t abandoned him by choice—her illness was beyond anyone’s control.

• Understood the guilt and fear that had sabotaged his relationships for decades.

• Replaced his belief that he was unworthy of love with the truth that he had always been deserving of connection and security.

A New Beginning at 65

For the first time in his life, David felt emotional freedom. The fear that had dictated his relationships was gone. With abandonment no longer controlling him, he was able to form a meaningful, secure partnership built on trust and mutual respect.

Now, at age 67, he is finally stable and happy, experiencing the love and connection he once thought was out of reach.

The Power of Healing—At Any Age

David’s story is an example that it’s never too late to heal. Trauma can negatively impact our lives, but it does not have to define us forever.

If you have struggled with early loss and abandonment, healing is possible. EMDR can help you reclaim your story, find peace, and finally build the connections you deserve.